Got Jams?

Falcons. They jam you out at critical times, costing juicy kills. They share an almost symbiotic relationship with Sabres in nullsec and are the bane of solo pvpers.

So how can you constructively spend the time when jammed?

-Reload your guns

-Change to Friend Or Foe missiles

-Pray your drones attack the correct target for once

-If not pointed, warp off

-Hope for a missed jam cycle

-Rage as you get jammed on the first cycle. Despite overheating the ECCM and having a sensor strength of 113

-De-aggress and crash the gate

-Rage about skilless ECM using mouthbreathers

-Decloak your Falcon alt

-Hurl the keyboard accross the room

-Glare at the Falcon and pray for spontaneous combustion

-Send angy Tweets to CCP Fozzie demanding an ECM nerf


I hope this list proves helpful :)



(And no, I don't have a Falcon alt. Naoru is the only one of my characters who can fly one. Gonna try a brawl Falcon one day)

Random Eve-mail Stalker

Seems to be the month where "spontaneous weapon malfunctions" are causing some severe emotional trauma for hauler pilots and mission runners accross New Eden.

A simple hauler kill. Followed by a free trip home. Resulted in this amusing exchange.

Bounty placed on you
From: CONCORD
Sent: 2013.03.09 06:40

Kin'va Sal placed 5,000,000 ISK in bounty on your head.


After a few ship losses strange Eve-mail messages start arriving.


Karma
From: Kin'va Sal
Sent: 2013.03.09 21:42
To: Naoru Kozan, 

Looks like your habits are catching up with you, Kozan.

I hope you saw your own blood before you blacked out...


How's it feel so far?
From: Kin'va Sal
Sent: 2013.03.11 03:00
To: Naoru Kozan, 

Enjoying your fame?


HAHAHAHAHAH
From: Kin'va Sal
Sent: 2013.03.11 03:59
To: Naoru Kozan, 

EAT SPACE, LOSER!


9 lives?
From: Kin'va Sal
Sent: 2013.03.11 05:00
To: Naoru Kozan, 

Used up 5 so far today, haven't you?  Muhahah...


Re: 9 lives?
From: Naoru Kozan
Sent: 2013.03.11 08:12
To: Kin'va Sal, 

Hey man, I think you might have taken getting killed in eve way to seriously. Last time I checked I'm at 700 or so losses. Just part of the game man.

Regards,

Naoru Kozan


Re: Re: 9 lives?
From: Kin'va Sal
Sent: 2013.03.12 06:13
To: Naoru Kozan, 

It feels so good when I receive a notification of your recent demise and bounty-collection.  You destroyed my ship and murdered me in cold blood, for the thrill of it.  Have you abandoned your humanity?


There are some very interesting people in this world.

Good Grief

Trying to ponder some profound statement about "griefers" in Eve. My wine addled brain is not helping lol. I do not consider myself a "griefer" in Eve....I just like killing. Explosions and the rush of combat is why I play this game.
Of course, not everyone plays the game this way. What follows is a delightful exchange with a mission runner I caught in Lowsec.

First exchange after probing his mission (he escaped first time).

[01:09:30] Naoru Kozan > sup

[01:09:38] Christopher Michael > suck my dick you fucker!

[01:09:46] Naoru Kozan > hmmmmm?

[01:10:45] Naoru Kozan > that seems a little rude

[01:10:55] Christopher Michael > would you prefer cunt?

[01:11:59] Naoru Kozan > what is it with mission runners getting so abusive?

[01:12:12] Naoru Kozan > seems like a lot of pent up anger or something

[01:13:43] Christopher Michael > my purpose in playing is to take it easy and enjoy the game. Your  purpose is trying to get others to cancel thier accounts

[01:13:49] Christopher Michael > so I think you are a cunt

[01:14:12] Naoru Kozan > wow

[01:14:19] Christopher Michael > yup

[01:14:34] Naoru Kozan > you would be amazed at how relaxing it is killing carebears

[01:15:00] Naoru Kozan > catch him unaware screaming that it's unfair lol

[01:15:05] Christopher Michael > I understand

[01:15:38] Naoru Kozan > FYI convoing and abusing the person who crashed your mission only encourages them to try and kill you more

[01:15:45] Christopher Michael > I just think it makes you a cunt'

[01:16:30] Naoru Kozan > ah there is that carebear rage again

[01:16:43] Naoru Kozan > give pvp a crack sometime

[01:16:43] Christopher Michael > ypu bet

[01:16:47] Christopher Michael > nope

[01:16:54] Christopher Michael > not my cup o' tea

[01:16:57] Naoru Kozan > makes you see the game in a new light

[01:16:58] Christopher Michael > never has been

[01:17:01] Christopher Michael > never will be

[01:17:16] Christopher Michael > problem with EVE is it doesn't give you a choice

[01:17:36] Christopher Michael > and many of my friends warned me about starting EVE because of cunts like you

[01:17:56] Naoru Kozan > well you only escaped the first time because i didn't have my fleet set up properly

[01:18:02] Naoru Kozan > made me a little sad :(

[01:18:05] Christopher Michael > you shrink the subscriber base and limit eve's potential

[01:18:35] Naoru Kozan > nah bro

[01:18:37] Christopher Michael > I understand that getting people to cancel their accounts gives you an erection

[01:18:46] Naoru Kozan > we provide "emergent gameplay"

[01:18:47] Christopher Michael > so fuck off

[01:18:57] Christopher Michael > lol

[01:19:01] Christopher Michael > sure you do

[01:19:14] Christopher Michael > so did Polpot ;)

[01:20:08] Naoru Kozan > damn that is harsh man

Third time was a charm and I caught his Myrmidon.

Quick ransom negotiation for the pod:

[01:28:04] Naoru Kozan > 50 mil and your pod can go free

[01:28:21] Christopher Michael > naw, its cool. I'll be done now

[01:28:27] Christopher Michael > you've done your job

[01:28:42] Naoru Kozan > you sure man?

[01:28:46] Naoru Kozan > how about 20 mil?

[01:28:47] Christopher Michael > yup

[01:28:50] Christopher Michael > EVE sucks

[01:28:58] Christopher Michael > and I was warned prior to starting

[01:29:16] Christopher Michael > seriously

[01:29:17] Naoru Kozan > ok have it your way

[01:29:19] Naoru Kozan > o/

[01:29:23] Christopher Michael > ccp doesn't need my money

Splat!

A few hours later I recieve an Eve-mail from the distraught carebear.

GOOD JOB!
From: Christopher Michael
Sent: 2013.03.02 07:12
To: Naoru Kozan, 

I cancelled my account as did several of my friends. CCP should thank you for costing them 4 monthly subscriptions. This is the only mmo to give full control of the game world to assholes like you.

One of those moments where the only thing to do is scratch your head and laugh.

ZOMG TACKLED!!! PUNCH OUT!

So after a few hours of playing with a snaked, linked Cal FW Dram pilot and getting called bad for losing a few cheapass T1 frigates (Dude would only fight with 100% guaranteed chance of victory. Incursus + Griffin alt created some amusing local smack then he finally left system, thank fuck).

His words hurt me deeply. Best way to forget how bad I am at this game is to run some level 4's. Yeah! That will show those FW carebears!
New local contacts, FW beacon pops up and 2 Tengu's appear on d-scan! Undock in a pvp ship...oh they are gone :(

Meh, back to level 4 whoring. Alt starts making good progress through Worlds Collide and just after using up the Zbikoki's Hacker Card a Tengu reappears on d-scan. Quick, quick! Naoru undocks in a Tengu and warps to the beacon. Activate the gate and land 90 KM off the Tengu. Heat dat AB and pray. Distance ticks down to 52KM and POINT! Get the webs on and DPS! But....I'm not breaking him....in fact he is tanking me with no trouble. Call goes out for help and an ex-corp mate responds by bringing a Curse.

Then I get this convo from the Tengu pilots main.

[ 2013.02.10 12:09:47 ] Quad Beast > can you stop pls?
[ 2013.02.10 12:09:56 ] Naoru Kozan > why?
[ 2013.02.10 12:10:11 ] Quad Beast > that tengu is all i have
[ 2013.02.10 12:10:54 ] Naoru Kozan > ok
[ 2013.02.10 12:11:29 ] Quad Beast > will pay, pls stop shoot Vendric
[ 2013.02.10 12:12:06 ] Naoru Kozan > how much is it worth to you?
[ 2013.02.10 12:12:31 ] Quad Beast > have 200m cose buy this tengu
[ 2013.02.10 12:12:45 ] Naoru Kozan > not enough
[ 2013.02.10 12:13:25 ] Quad Beast > must make missions to have more, i invest all my isk in this   tengu

Kiran arrives in his Curse and starts the burn over. Neuts get applied and DPS recommences. Tengu dips to half armor and the pilot ejects! Frantic calls to "Stop DPS!" are heard over comms. Then we start clearing rats away from the now pilotless Tengu. Meanwhile I derp around and eventually get my alt into the FW mission and secure the Tengu.

Fuck me it was expensive.

Quick check of Jita prices reveals it comes to about 2 billion ISK. Very nice for 10 minutes of work :)

Quick message to gloat:

Tengu
From: Naoru Kozan
Sent: 2013.02.10 12:28
To: Quad Beast, 

Cheers man. Alt picked up the tengu no worrie :).


Followed by this convo:

[12:28:49] Naoru Kozan > should have set that hsit to self destruct man
[12:29:22] Quad Beast > i dont care, must fly to jita to buy the next one
[12:29:33] Quad Beast > see ya with my main
[12:30:22] Naoru Kozan > didn't want that tengu anyway, right?
[12:31:06] Quad Beast > shoot it, put it in your ass or wath ever you want
[12:31:19] Naoru Kozan > shit will be taken apart and sold
[12:31:55] Quad Beast > i make with my 2 mission alts every day 2 of that tengus
[12:33:19] Quad Beast > i dont pay loot ransom too loose it anyway
[12:33:20] Naoru Kozan > ok
[12:33:33] Quad Beast > o/


Guess he mad?

Best part is my share of the loot DRASTICALLY cuts down the mission whoring needed to cover Feb plex costs :)

Sukuuvestaa Heron VS Wolf

I just nipped out for a quick roam in my Faction Heron (great Christmas gifts BTW CCP, they make great pvp lol-boats). Anywho, some local chatter alerts me to a possible target loitering on a FW novice plex. Warping to the plex glorious battle ensues with a Wolf class assault boat.

http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=16199592


Gfgf (10% armor left at the end)


Comments from a suprised R1fta thrasher watching.

[16:32:37] Naoru Kozan > o/
[16:32:38] Groggolog > please tell me what i think just happened happened.
[16:32:46] Groggolog > link that km please???
[16:32:47] Groggolog > :D
[16:32:59] Groggolog > you are the sukuuvestaa heron right?
[16:33:12] Naoru Kozan > yup
[16:33:13] Naoru Kozan > http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=16199592
[16:33:18] Naoru Kozan > rofl
[16:33:20] Groggolog > oh wow
[16:33:23] Groggolog > ive got to mount this
[16:33:34] Groggolog > i just killed his griffin buddy and podded him and got away
[16:33:38] Groggolog > this guy must be so depressed
[16:34:19] Groggolog > anyway cya, just wanted to confirm the awesomeness of that heron

Ranis Vs DD

One of those moments:

http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=16071539

[07:16:49] foulblade puderbach > wtf ?
[07:16:50] foulblade puderbach > how ?
[07:16:51] Naoru Kozan > o/
[07:16:51] Naoru Kozan > gf
[07:16:54] foulblade puderbach > lol
[07:17:04] Naoru Kozan > supa secret DP ranis
[07:17:06] foulblade puderbach > idk how u just killed that
[07:17:14] foulblade puderbach > i had 400 dps
[07:17:16] foulblade puderbach > . . . .
[07:17:18] Naoru Kozan > (fit had a rep)
[07:17:25] foulblade puderbach > so ?
[07:17:32] Naoru Kozan > i controled range
[07:17:32] foulblade puderbach > ik there is no way u have 400 dp
[07:17:34] foulblade puderbach > dps
[07:17:42] foulblade puderbach > thats true
[07:17:46] Naoru Kozan > did slow damage and wore you down
[07:18:00] foulblade puderbach > how the fuck did i not get a scram on u ?
[07:18:13] Naoru Kozan > you did
[07:18:17] Naoru Kozan > i had an AB
[07:18:23] foulblade puderbach > ahh lmao
[07:18:27] foulblade puderbach > wtf  u have both for ?
[07:18:39] foulblade puderbach > link ur fit plz
[07:18:57] Naoru Kozan > http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=16054999
[07:19:32] foulblade puderbach > sighs
[07:19:42] Naoru Kozan > it was close
[07:20:11] foulblade puderbach > my ship was like 100 mill urs is only 30 . . .
[07:20:13] Naoru Kozan > ranis has pretty good kin and thermal resists as well
[07:20:51] foulblade puderbach > meh how did i not get u as soon as u hit bubble
[07:21:00] foulblade puderbach > server lag stopped me from getting right on u
[07:21:06] Naoru Kozan > could have been
[07:21:10] foulblade puderbach > would of 4 shotted u
[07:21:34] foulblade puderbach > any ways good fight  i guess
[07:21:40] foulblade puderbach > stupid after burner
[07:22:24] Naoru Kozan > good hunting
[07:22:26] Naoru Kozan > o/
[07:22:38] foulblade puderbach > o/
[07:22:41] foulblade puderbach > o7



Still got the shakes. Fuck I love this game sometimes.

New Years EVE Resolution

Since I couldn't come up with any decent NYE resolutions IRL....thought I'd have a crack at some in Eve.

-Try Industry as a passive income source (Failed: Holy shit T1 manufacturing has ultra slim profit margins and the higher stuff is fucking complictated)

-Fly larger hulls in PVP (Eve has more ships than just frigates and dessies. Shocking, right?)

-Break into the top 500 in Battleclinic.

-Try running a Level V mission.

- Get a kill in a lol-fit faction ship (sort of done lol http://tuskers.killmail.org/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=15722616)

-Fly Tech 3 cruisers in PVP (And not lose it in the first fight)

-Get better at probing (seriously, missing targets due to slow probing is getting old)

-Cure my addiction to Condors....lol sure this will only happen as soon as CCP rebalances combat inties.

-Replace the Condor addiction with a Caracal addiction...this one is a work in progress (FYI RML Caracal is lots of fun).


Ok, that wraps that up. What are your New Years Eve resolutions?